Love is not something you feel, it’s something you do

Love is not something you are destined to feel. Love is something you do. Love is an action. One makes the decision to dedicate oneself to another and commits to a series of affectionate acts and perceptions about another.

Fate, despite its resurfaced look as predestination in some Christian sects, is a polytheistic belief. It’s a claim that everything an individual does is already known and planned to lead them to a particular, purposed conclusion. In essence, there is nothing an individual can do to change their path since everything that they do is already part of their predetermined path. The rejection of fate is often in the question, “What’s the point then?” Why do so many people, upon hearing that everything in their lives has already been laid out for them and they are only completing the steps, have a feeling of futility and helplessness? Fate denies our nature. Our nature provides Free Will. For Christians and Jewish people, this part of our nature is vital and important because it was bestowed on us by God. Made in “His Image” we possess a feature that the Angels were denied. God can make requests of us and have a purpose for us but we have the ability to say “No.” We have the ability to choose our own destiny.

Fairy tales and love songs keep us daydreaming about finding the one person who was always meant for us. When we do fall in love with someone, the feeling is otherworldly and we attribute divine purpose to the romance. But these are childish opinions, designed to help us escape accountability for our own actions.

Imagine Saturn, the Roman God, who heard the fate that one of his sons would overthrow him. He proceeded to eat his children as they were born in a madness to prevent the destiny. When Jupiter was born, his mother fooled Saturn by offering a swaddled stone instead of the child, which then allowed Jupiter to grow up and overthrow his insane father. This is a story about fate. Isn’t it romantic?

We are physically attracted to people. It’s a biological fact that there is a chemistry that makes some people more compatible with others. When an individual finds such a person and they have compatible personalities, an individual makes a decision to be affectionate and committed to the other. It is this free will decision-making ability that allows for individuals to fall out of love, show affection (cheat) with another person, or find themselves unable to forgive the other’s mistake. It is this free will decision-making ability that allows for other individuals to maintain love through several decades of marriage, refuse temptation, and always forgive.

Maybe this is not as sexy as thinking God predetermined your soulmate before time began and all obstacles and torture you endure is somehow justified, but Teen magazine fantasies aside, fate is a myth and free will is the design of God.

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